Transform Your Life Today: Understand gaslighting
Defining Gaslighting
In the context of CODEPENDENCY, gaslighting is psychological conditioning aimed at intentionally trying to make another person THINK their feelings are INAPPROPRIATE in relation to the situation, when in reality they are not.
The combination of GASLIGHTING and CODEPENDENCY are seen in the Disease of Domestic Violence and the Disease of Divorce
Gaslighting = Manipulation
Gaslighting is a method of manipulation to gain control over another individual.The manipulators of reality will exert control over another by using emotional, social, environmental and physical tactics for self-serving goals and desires.The gaslighter will psychologically condition the submissive to question their perception of reality to such a degree that the submissive will start to beleive he/she is crazy.
Learning to Set Boundaries Helps Us Break the Cycle
After adapting to codependency and gaslighting for a significant period of time, it turns into a disease. But if the manipulative psychological patterns are recognized early, they can be overcome with therapy and a willingness to change. First we must learn to recognize PATTERNS in behavior and detach from internalizing the emotional impact of them. Them we must turn inwards and change ourselves through boundary work and shadow work to address inner child wounds.
How to Recognize Gaslighting
Ways a gaslighter behaves :
Things a partner who is gaslighting you might say : For example, say you are sitting in the car with someone, and you see a black cat cross the road. You may be superstitious and want to wait a few minutes to depart for work on on your trip. You know what you saw and you know the other person saw it too, but the other person may not want to wait to indulge your superstition, so he or she may try to convince you that you imagined what you saw and that it was never there.
Recognizing a Predator
Ways a predator behaves: There will be some crisis, usually financial going on in his life that keeps him vaguely preoccupied.
He swears his life has never been in such a state of turmoil before.
They insist over and over that they aren’t a con artist or joker even though you never said they were.
They rationalize the turmoil of the relationship on the circumstances and when he speaks he tries to convinces you that you love him.
They apologize but don’t show remorse and insist that one day life will be better than you ever imagined with this person.
He will hold something over your head to scare you into compliance.
Phrases a predator often uses:
“You signed on to this”.
“You told me you wanted happily ever after”.
“You told me you loved me”.
Dating and DV: Recognizing Predators
A Case of Non-Physical Domestic Violence: Chef Sarma
After a period of time, living with gaslighting becomes this increasing confusion - even though you had doubts about some of his promises initially, now you become so confused that you start to believe the lies are real. One woman who shared her story with me confided in me that her abuser convinced her to think that he had a dog dying of cancer that he couldn’t keep with them at the house where they lived and all the money he was “borrowing” from her was going to the veterinary bills of the dog. In the documentary of Chef Sarma entitled “Bad Vegan”, we see how she became so confused by the gaslighting that in addition to taking all her money, her partner convinced her that he could make her dog immortal. By the point you’ve been deprived of your finances, the psychological manipulation has reached such epic proportions that you really don’t know what is real anymore. It becomes complete madness.
Usually, no one including your family will ever know the extent of the loss, damage, deprivation, emotional abuse and humiliation that you endured in the toxic relationship except for your partner.
When you try to tell him that he affected your job, stole your money, or humiliated you, he will say he didn’t do those things and change the subject to the ongoing crisis in his life and will spin off on a tangent about how hard the crisis is for him emotionally - There may have been a moment earlier on in the relationship where you felt happy and may have said I love you or expressed other meaningful words out of genuine emotion. The narcissistic gaslighter will remind you of that moment and the words you said anytime you try to challenge the lies and things get heated. It’s another tactic of manipulation intended to emotionally disarm you.
